Holding on and Letting Go
by HalynEcho
Summary: Their last case became a game changer in Morgan and Garcia's relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing…

**A/N:** So yeah, I've been lurking around for a while now and this story just couldn't leave me alone. This chapter is just kind of a prologue, to see if you guys like it and want to read more.

Share your thoughts!

* * *

Derek didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, staring at the wall unblinkingly, with his jaw clenched so tightly it went numb a while ago. The whole thing was like another failure, bringing back all the helplessness he felt with Elle, Emily or Penelope all over again. He was sitting there waiting for the doctors to save another person he couldn't.

"Derek?" a tentative, familiar voice broke through the white noise that surrounded him ever since he entered the hospital.

Lifting his head, he saw Penelope, standing just a step away with a worried expression on her face.

"Baby girl," he croaked, his voice broken and so harsh it hurt his throat.

"Come with me," Penelope reached out, flattening her warm palm over his shoulder.

If it was any other people, he would have fought it, but like any other times, he couldn't say no to her so he slowly got up and let her lead him away from the waiting room with a gentle hold on his elbow.

"I brought you a clean shirt." Penelope said quietly while they were standing in the restroom.

Derek nodded, as a thank you, reaching out for it and that was when he noticed the blood on his hands.

_Her _ blood.

His senses came back in a rush, all at once, and they nearly brought him to his knees, his skin felt too hot and two sizes too small, his lungs crushing under the invisible weight of self-blame.

"Here," Penelope murmured gently, turning the water on for him so he could wash away the blood.

He stared at the sink, the brightness of the white porcelain making his eyes hurt and water, going through the motions automatically, mesmerized by the swirling red droplets.

Derek jumped a little when Penelope reached for the hem of his shirt but he let her help him pull it off a moment later, letting out a low hiss when her fingers brushed against his skin. He wanted to step away from her because all his senses were in overload and the lightest touch made his muscles tighten in anticipation, every of his nerve endings on fire, yearning for her to soothe his pain.

"I'm fine," he grunted, snatching the clean shirt from her hand and putting on hastily, doing everything to avoid looking at her again because he was afraid that he came to the point where he just simply couldn't hold back anymore.

"It's not your fault." Penelope whispered.

"Yes, it is." He snapped, turning away, his fist connecting with the nearest wall.

"Derek," Penelope cried, rushing to him, hugging him from behind, pulling him back with her arms around his chest. "Stop. Please, stop."

The agony in her voice made him turn around, crashing her against him as he buried his face in her neck. Her hand came up, cradling the back of his head while the other one flattened firmly on his lower back, holding him as close as she can.

For a moment the outside world slipped away from Derek, there was no life in stakes on an operating table, there wasn't another failed attempt to save someone on his tab, there was nothing but Penelope, with her soft curves and sweet smelling skin, her heartbeat doubling as his own and her soothing voice in his ear, telling him that everything's gonna be alright.

He knew that it was a lie but he believed her anyway because in times like this, when she was this close, when they were the only people in this world, he believed every word that came out of her mouth.

"She wanted to die." He confessed quietly, pulling back to rest his forehead against hers, squeezing his eyes shut almost painfully to keep the images out of his head.

"What?" Penelope asked in disbelief.

"She said…" Derek trailed off, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. "She said that she was ready to go."

"Oh, honey." Penelope murmured, tightening her hold around him.

"She can't die," Derek said, lifting his head to look her in the eye. "She can't…I, uh, I…dammit."

"She won't," Penelope hurried to reassure, cupping his face in her hands. "She'll pull through. Don't lose your faith, my love."

He didn't say anything, just nodded, pressing a feather light kiss onto her forehead as a silent thank you.

They went back to the waiting room and she sat close to him, holding his hand, squeezing it lightly before twining their fingers together.

As they waited for the doctors to came out and end their misery, the last few hours came rushing back to Derek.

"_No, no, no…" he said frantically, his hand pressing down on her stomach to slow the bleeding. "Look at me…stay with me."_

"_It's okay," she wheezed out through gritted teeth, her blue eyes peaceful. "I'm ready to go."_

"_No, you're not…stay with me!" Derek pleaded. "Come on!"_

"_Goodbye, blue sky…" she murmured and went limp in his hands._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing…

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favs. Don't worry, they are gonna get their well earned HEA but it's not gonna be something quick and easy. From experience, I know becoming lovers after years of friendship is one hell of a ride so bear with me.

Share your thoughts!

* * *

Derek didn't know how much time passed before Penelope finally broke the silence.

"So, uh," she started tentatively, sounding a little unsure but continuing anyway. "What's so special about her?"

"What are you talking about?" Derek looked up at her, confusion written all over his face.

"It's just, you know, no matter how many times you guys said that you can't take a case personally, somehow for one of you it's always end personal." Penelope started to explain, rushing out the words, like she did whenever she felt uncomfortable talking about something. "For you, it's cases with kids or teenagers and please don't take this the wrong way but she seems a little old for that."

Derek didn't respond immediately, just kept looking at her, processing her words before letting out a short humorless laugh, shaking his head.

He didn't know what to tell Penelope because he wasn't sure what was so different about this girl. He remembered walking into the interrogation room three days ago, ready to do anything to find out if she killed those women or not.

Derek remembered how she gave him a once over, tilting her head to the side slightly with a flicker of interest flashing in her blue eyes. He was used to being looked at by women but her gaze was different from what he'd usually saw in women's eyes. She looked at his belt, his empty holster first then her eyes swept up and down on his body quickly, like she was seizing him up, wondering if she could take him in a fight.

Needless to say, he was more than surprised by her behavior. He didn't expect that kind of look from a 23 years old bartender.

He really should have known better.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Penelope's voice brought him out of his reverie.

"It's not that I don't want to." Derek squeezed her hand reassuringly. "It's just that I don't know. I have this feeling that she's running from something horrible, fighting it so hard and all alone and it makes me angry. I want to help her with whatever is she hiding from."

"You, my love, are the most noble man I've ever met." Penelope sighed, resting her cheek against his shoulder for a brief moment before standing up. "I'm gonna go and hunt down some coffee for us."

"Thank you." He looked up at her with a small, grateful smile. "For being there."

"There's no place I'd rather be." She smiled back, touching his cheek tenderly. "It's so sad, you know. I can't imagine how you could do all of this every day. Walk into a room and look for all the bad stuff, the lies, the dirty secrets, all the little things that helps you to break down someone. I know that most of the time it's the bad guys. But times like this? I feel sorry that you look at her and all you can see is the broken pieces. I'm sorry that you are constantly surrounded by all this darkness and pain and suffering and all I can hope is that you're never gonna consumed by it."

"Don't worry, baby girl," Derek said seriously, covering her hand on his cheek with his. "It's never gonna happen because I have you in my life to remind me every day of all the good and beautiful things that worth living for. You are my lighthouse in the storm, always guiding me home safely."

"Oh, handsome," Penelope grinned at him. "You always know what to say to make my heart beat double time. I'm gonna get that coffee now. Miss me?"

Derek let out an amused laugh as she turned and walked down the corridor, disappearing from his sight.

Ten minutes later finally a doctor approached him.

"She's out of surgery," the man said. "She pulled through but the next 24 hours are critical. If she survives the night there's a strong chance that she'll make a full recovery."

"Thank you." Derek nodded, his knees watery with relief. "Can I see her?"

"Five minutes." The doctor agreed after a few seconds of thinking.

Derek walked into her room and his heart clenched at the sight she made hooked on machines, pale and vulnerable. He sat down on a chair next to her bed, placing one of his hands over hers carefully.

For some reason she chose _him_ to be the person who could learn her true identity, she called _him_ to tell who their unsub was, somehow _he_ earned her trust with that one encounter in that interrogation room a few days ago. She could have chosen anyone from the team but she chose _him_ and he almost let her die.

As he tightened his fingers around hers slightly he swore that he's not gonna make the same mistake again.

Penelope stood at the doorway, coffee in hand, looking at Derek. She knew the expression her best friend wore at that moment all too well. He always looked like that when someone got hurt and he felt responsible for it. She could see the determination in his eyes, the silent promise, as his hero complex slowly took him over, that from now on he's gonna do everything to keep her from getting hurt again.

When he was like this with kids, Penelope could understand. But this was different and she could feel the worry tying another few knots into the pit of her stomach.

This whole thing felt too much like Tamara Barnes all over again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing…

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favs. I actually found kinda funny how even just mentioning Tamara got you guys all nervous. But don't worry and please don't dismiss this story just because of that. No matter what Garcia will think at times (since she has no idea what my plans are, lol) this girl's not, I repeat, not gonna be any kind of love interest for Derek.

Oh, and if you didn't notice it before, it's kind of a really Derek centric fic with an additional Morcia HEA.

Share your thoughts!

* * *

The next evening Derek found himself at the hospital again, sitting by the still sleeping girl's bed with two manila folders in his hands.

One of them was labeled _Sky Roberts_ and barely contained anything. There was nothing interesting in it, really, just some basic info: 23, bartender at two different places, no immediate family, and no criminal record. Derek glanced up from the file and studied the girl's face. Even with that ridiculous, minty toothpaste colored hair, it was easy to believe that she was that girl.

He let out a deep sigh and picked up the other folder, which was way too thick for his liking. He felt bad for making Penelope to put it together in the first place but he trusted his gut feeling that told him that it was the right thing to do.

He closed his eyes for a moment, as his mind went back to that phone call two days earlier.

_He'd been staring at the board, eyes sweeping over the pictures for the hundredth time, hoping that it'd be the moment when everything finally clicked into place, when his phone started to ring. He didn't recognize the number._

"_Morgan." _

"_Agent Morgan," a woman said on the other end. Her voice was calm but he could hear the slight urgency in it too. "It's Sky Roberts."_

"_What can I do for you, Miss Roberts?" Derek's brows rose in confusion. She'd just got released from custody a few hours ago._

"_I…uh," she sighed deeply. "Fuck. Look, Agent Morgan, you have to understand that what I'm gonna say, well, it's not easy for me but I know that it's the right thing to do."_

"_Something happened?" Derek interrupted her rambling, a very bad feeling coming over him. "Are you in danger?"_

"_I can handle it," she said dismissively. "Look, I think I know who killed those girls. His name is Sgt. Joshua Collins and he is a marine."_

"_How do you know that?" Derek asked, intrigued._

"_It's not important," she snapped, urgency replacing her offhanded manner from before. "I told you what you needed to know. I have to go."_

"_Wait," Derek barked into the speaker, getting confused and angry._

"_It's not the right time for pleasantries," she huffed, annoyed before going silent for a few seconds like she wanted to say something else._

"_Miss Roberts?"_

"_It was nice meeting you, Agent Morgan," she told him softly. "And if we never met again, you should look up Lieutenant Meredith Sheppard. You know, if you still want some answers after this ends."_

"_Who is…" Derek started to speak but the line went dead. "Dammit." _

_The next two hours passed in a complete blur of frantic search for Collins and convincing Hotch and the team that he was their unsub, then rushing towards his last known address, kicking down his door and finding him straddling Sky Roberts on the floor, screaming at the girl, completely out of his mind._

"_Why aren't you afraid of me?" Collins raged, pressing the barrel of his gun deeper into the girl's stomach. "What's so special about you, huh? You and your fucking brother, walking around like you were better than everyone. But he's not here this time, Angelface, to save you. You are gonna die…Are you afraid yet?"_

"_Drop the gun!" Derek shouted the second he'd burst into the room but Collins didn't even flinch, his focus stayed solely on the woman underneath him._

"_I'm not afraid of you," Sky Roberts told him, her voice calm and even. "Go ahead, you coward, make my day."_

"_I said, drop the gun!" Derek commanded more forcefully this time, his finger itching to pull the trigger._

"_Tell your bastard brother that I won," Collins sneered._

_Two gunshots rang out at the same time. Collins fall backwards and the next thing Derek knew that he was kneeling beside the girl, his hands cowered in her blood, calling frantically for a medic and then begging her to hold on. _

"Jesus, Jax," the quiet muttering from the bed snapped Derek out of his reverie. "I swear your aftershave has its own personality."

Derek chuckled lowly, shaking his head. His sister always said something similar every time they met.

"I'm sorry," he grinned. "It's good to see you finally awake."

Her eyes fluttered open as she turned her head towards him, confusion written all over her pale face.

"Uh," she mumbled, lifting her hand slowly to her face to smooth her hair out of the way. "Uh, Agent Morgan. Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"I figured," he grinned. "How are you feeling?"

"Like some fucker shot me in the stomach." She shrugged then winced, closing her eyes with a tired sigh. "I don't really want to sound rude, but what are you doing here?"

"I…um, I just wanted to see how you doin'," Derek rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm fine," her voice went cold, dismissive. "You don't have to babysit me."

"Sky…Meredith…damn," he huffed out an amused laugh. "What should I even call you?"

"Oh, so you've found out already," she cracked one eye open, glancing at him, her lips curving into a wry grin. "I should have known. And Sheppard is mighty fine."

"You have an impressing file." Derek lifted the thicker one for emphasis. "How did you pull this off?"

"If you don't mind, I'd like to have that conversation when I'll be able to have some pants on." She muttered. "Damn, my head hurts like a bitch."

"Okay, I can wait." Derek stood. "I'll tell the nurse to give you something. Try to get some sleep. I'll come tomorrow."

He was halfway out of the room when he heard her calling his name so he looked back over his shoulder. She still looked ghostly pale and so heartbreakingly fragile but she was surrounded by less machine than yesterday which was a good sign in Derek's book.

"Thank you," she whispered with closed eyes.

Derek walked out with a hopeful smile on his face.

He told the nurse to give her something for the headache and he stayed outside her room watching her through the glass doors, deep in thought.

"You can't keep her." Penelope said, appearing out of thin air beside him, startling him.

"What?" Derek turned towards her with a confused expression.

"Oh, come on, handsome," she chuckled, shaking her head. "I know that face. You looked exactly like a little kid who found a stray puppy on the street."

"Silly girl," Derek shook his head, looping an arm around her shoulders and pressing a light kiss on the top of her head. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Looking for you?" Penelope smiled at him tenderly. "I thought you'd be here, my noble knight, so I came to whisk you away and take you to dinner."

"My gorgeous hero," Derek laughed. "Go on then, whisk me away."

Penelope giggled, reaching for his hand and started to pull him towards the exit. Needless to say that he didn't put any fight, he just let her take him wherever she wanted to. Like he'd always done.

x

x

They were at their favorite Chinese place but Derek noticed that Penelope didn't really eat, just picked at her food, clearly lost in her thoughts.

"Okay, baby girl," he sighed, pushing his plate away to rest his elbows on the table, leaning towards her. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," she flashed a fake smile, trying to sound cheery instead of troubled.

"Come on, mama," Derek frowned. "I know you too well to fall for that."

"I hate profilers." Penelope grumbled, taking a sip of her water.

"Hey, heard head," Derek's tone softened, his hand reaching out to take hers. "You know that you can tell me anything."

"You need to leave that girl alone." Penelope blurted, dropping her gaze. "You can't be everyone's hero, Derek. For once, please, think about yourself. You can't get involved with her!"

"Involved?" Derek's brows rose high as he jerked back as if she'd slapped him across the face. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know you, Derek." Penelope looked at him pleadingly. "I know when something or _someone_ gets too personal for you. Don't risk your career for her."

"Risk my career?" Derek bristled, his eyes darkening in anger. "Are talking about what I think you're talking about?"

"I saw how you looked at her!" Penelope cried all riled up, tears already gathering in the corner of her eyes.

"Whoa, hey, park your motor mouth for a moment, woman." Derek held up his hands. "It's not _too_ personal, I'm not getting _involved_, okay? Hell, baby girl, she's what? Twelve years younger than me?"

"Does it matter?" She glared, it was a low blow, she knew it, but somehow this whole thing made her skin prickle in the worst way.

"Did you read anything that was in that file you put together?" Derek narrowed his eyes.

"No," she admitted in a small voice.

"Well, you should have." Derek threw the folder onto the table then he stood, his stance radiating tension. "We should go."

Penelope nodded meekly, suddenly feeling ten kinds of awful. She had a suspicion that she'd somehow misread the whole situation.

They parted in the parking lot, barely saying two words to each other. Penelope went home and spent the good portion of her night going through the folder labeled _Meredith Sheppard_ and by halfway she realized that Derek's fascination with the girl wasn't anything like the disaster called Tamara Barnes.

x

x

The next day they got a new case and Penelope grabbed Derek's elbow before he could leave the conference room.

"I'm sorry, my love," she told him earnestly. "I overreacted. Forgive me?"

"Of course," Derek smiled at her, pulling her into a tight hug. "You know that it's impossible to stay mad at you, baby girl."

"Good." Penelope smiled up at him. "Let's try that dinner again when you get back, okay?"

"Only if you're the dessert." Derek grinned.

"Deal." Penelope giggled, stepping out of his arms. "Go, my chocolate hero, go, save the world."

"Silly girl," Derek laughed, pressing a quick kiss on her cheek before exiting the room.

"Be safe!" He heard Penelope calling after him and he smiled.

Later when Hotch finally called it a day and told Penelope to go home and get some rest, she eagerly obeyed her boss. As she packed away her things while waiting for her babies to shut down, her eyes caught the Rubik's cube Reid left in her office a few weeks ago.

Stricken by a sudden idea she snatched it up and put it into her bright pink purse along her most recent knitting project.

Smiling to herself she made her way towards the parking lot. If this girl was important to Derek then the least she could do was to try to understand.

Her spirit lifted, she sang along the radio all the way to the hospital.


End file.
